Saturday, May 28, 2005
It's not like a crop circle where sometime during the night "Jesus Saves" mysteriously appears spray painted on a bridge or wall and everyone is awe struck. No one is going to make a pilgrimage from far away lands to witness it like they would if it was the Honey Bun likeness of Mother Teresa.
It's also not a Tag letting outsiders know what gang's turf they're on or who loves who forever. No, graffiti is graffiti and you can't solve a problem by creating another. I know Jesus Saves but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want that defacing peoples' property.
I was in a Books-A-Million this weekend where I noticed that management had marked out all the graffiti in the restroom but left the image of the Holy Bible that someone etched in the wall in retaliation for the multitude of F Bombs scattered around the urinals and sinks. It's not that I find it odd that we regard some graffiti more sacred than other, but that we regard some as sacred at all.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
God has such a sense of humor, I love Him. There is even an organization dedicated to their care, The International Fainting Goat Association. Check out their logo.......
You will understand the significance of the logo after watching this short video.
Enough, now, with the background. Today's scene is set at the dawn of time. God has set Adam down to name the beasts of the earth. One by one the animals line up to receive their special name. Afterwards, they huddle together to share their names with each other. The Skunk, Porcupine, and Fainting Goat have gathered under The Tree of Life to discuss their new names.
Porcupine: Black furry thing, what is your name?
Skunk: I'm called Skunk and I have this really cool natural defense mechanism that helps me defend myself against my enemies. I just bend over and spray them with this horrible smelling liquid. What's your name?
Porcupine: I'm called Porcupine and my defense mechanism are these sharp quills that stab predators when they get close. What's your name hoofed thing with horns?
Fainting Goat: My name is Fainting Goat and my natural defense is to pass out in front of predators.
Skunk: That's all you got! Big furry thing with teeth is chasing you and you just pass out? You are so extinct!
That's today's scene.
I spend my lunch hour in Barnes and Noble's music department listening to cds to satiate my lust for music. I stumbled across Soul Coughing's ex-frontman, Mike Doughty's solo project, "Haughty Melodic".
I'm not attempting to imply that you might like him. My job is to bait the hook. Everyone is different, but at least give him a listen. You can sample his stuff here. His Beatnik lyrical style is unique and his voice is very engaging.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Each day this pebble grows smaller, closing in around me, and thickening the air.
The stars here are like key holes out through eternity I stare.
And some days I look out theses eyes like I’m looking through prison bars.
Walking the pebble like I’m walking prison yards.
The pebble pushes up the harder I push down.
So I’ve learned to tread tenderly over this rugged ground.
It’s a rut that I walk ‘til my feet are sore.
A place to put my foot where my foot has been before.
Until the day the pebble mixes with the clay no more night and no more day.
This invention is very similar to The Foul Ball Alert that I invented. They both use RFID technology to locate and identify things attached to a tiny transmitter/detector. It is the same technoloy that libraries use to protect their books from theives. You might have spotted the antenna tucked into the spine of your book.
The Invisible Play Pen uses this same idea to monitor children. The antenna above is placed on a child and the parameters on the receiver are set according to the area that you are monitoring. For example, the parent or guardian can set it to monitor a backyard or a playground sized area. An alarm is sounded on the reciever when the child wanders outside of the preset parameters. The distance that is protected can be a short as a few inches to as far as 300 feet.
There are many uses for this device and uses that aren't just limited to children either. This would be a good solution for caregivers of Alzheimer's patients, pet, and property owners.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
So Today's Scene has me at the front of a long line in the grocery store. Today is one of those rare occasions when I have a fifty dollar bill. It's really too bad to because my items just total ten dollars. "I wish I had something smaller," I say, "but this will have to do". The cashier raises an eye brow over me and scribbles across the fifty with the "Bill Pen". It's clean, to her obvious disappointment, so she hands me my change. Two twenties. I take a moment. I raise my eye brow. I take out my "Bill Pen". It's clean this time, so I take my bags and leave. That's Today's Scene.
I invented Pump Pants to provide extra protection for the high impact life style. Pump pants are made out of lycra and spandex and include air bladders which are sewn into all the contact points like knees and hips. The pants come with a hand pump which enables the user to increase or decrease the amount of air in each bladder depending on preference or activity. This innovation can also be added to a shirt or body suit design.
Sports that would be affect include football, baseball, rock climbing, surfing, and ect,. Pump pants have the added benefit of doubling as a flotation device for those water sports enthusiast.
There are also many different occupations that could benefit as well, like law enforcement, construction, mining and ect,.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
The Filla Buster I invented is a special digital media recorder that is design especially for Law Enforcement Adgents in the field. The Filla Buster aids the officer by providing a medium to record data that may be useful later such as licence plate numbers, pictures of suspicious vehicles, or audio and video recordings of crime scenes. Bascially, it's a digital voice recorder and digital camera in one. The Filla Buster's main function is to collect audio or video that an officer comes in contact with everyday.
For example, abandoned cars. We see them everyday as we drive to and from our various destinations. They become so common place that they are often ignored. A Police Officer driving along on his/her beat might take a picture, record the time of day and a brief description. It would be quick and it might be just the thing that breaks a case wide open. This method would be repeated as neccassary, and at the officer's descretion, during his shift. The Filla Buster could also be used to collect audio and video data during an interrogation, bust or it could activated to record a chase. This kind of data collection could be very helpful during court proceedings.
The size would need to be small enough to fit on an agent's shoulder straps or belts. This is an example of what I had in mind.
Click here for an article about the picture above.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
(What is meant by mature is NO GIGGLERS!)
I was getting my softball uniform ready in preparation for tomorrow's game when I noticed something about my equipment that had previously escaped my attention. Emblazoned across my protective cup is, "Patent No. 4,043,329". I had never thought about a protective cup being patented. I always thought they'd been around since ancient times. I've seen pictures of ancient Roman soldiers wearing similar equipment on the History Channel, so I could only assume that this wasn't a new invention. So I went to the United States Patent web site and to my surprise the patent is dated 1976! That would explain why there haven't been any ancient cups unearthed in any archeological digs!
My curiosity was far from being satiated. I wondered what other devices necessity had mothered before the cup. Evidently the Urological Drape was more important, Patent No. 4,043,328. It beat the cup's invention by 15 days. The Waterproof cast protector, Patent No. 4,043,326,
"A flexible covering for placement over an individual's injured limb having a cast or bandage"When my little brother broke his arm my mom used something similar on him except she called it a Trash Bag! We couldn't afford special medical supplies, not when we could make them. Had she only patented the Trash Bag we'd be rich! You can do a search at the top of this blog for past posts of my regular column, Today's Invention by typing in "Today's Invention" in the field provided. They may never be patented and they may never be as good as the Protective Cup, but come on, I know my stuff is better than the Urological Drape!
I do admit that I am part of the problem. I just can't help but rubber-neck when I see a bumper sticker. It's not just me; it's human nature. Peope want to be able to read them as they drive by. So, I have learned from this and I am planning on profitting from it with my own bumber sticker: "If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!"
My guitar is tuned Celtic style, which is......how can I explain? Imagine yourself looking over a pond or lake on an cloudy day. The wind is blowing and there isn't a soul around. That's how my guitar makes me feel and that is exactly how a sad song makes me feel as well. They provide a visual. I don't get a picture in my mind's eye when I here other songs. Now, I like a good kick-in-the-gut-jam to coax be into my mourning routine or to fire me up while I'm jogging. But my Being is in synch with the melancholy side of life. Maybe someone has a better explantion but I think it's because sadness it the only true lasting emotion and I'm intune with it. For example can you think of a time when you were happy all week. Now think of the times you've been sad all week. Which lasted the week, sadness or happiness?
Monday, May 16, 2005
-Used when referring to something extravagant. Named for Donald Trump. Definition includes all variations of this phrase.
This "Trump" template can be used a varity of ways. All you would have to do is insert a name depending on the meaning that you are seeking. Here's an example:
-Used when referring to something or someone who is crazy or mentally disturbed. Definition includes all variations of this phrase.
Ex. "I had a friend in highschool that dropped so much acid that he went Chappelle one day and buried himself up to his chin because he thought he was a Daisy.
The "Trump" template isn't limited to Celebrities. For example:
-Used when referring to an expression that is flattened or Pug like.
Ex. "She looked better before the nose job. Now she is all Pugged out."
Your turn now. Post a comment with your own inventions and examples.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
"Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice…. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue"
-Barry M. Goldwater, accepting Republican presidential nomination July 16, 1964
So you hate America? Then leave! What do you love? How far would you go to protect something you love? You'd fight for your child or a family member wouldn't you? But your country isn't important? Leave! Take your pink panties with you because we aren't a nation of helpless little girls. France could use you.
You don't like wars? Who does? How do you think we got here? Get a library card and read a little history. War is terrible but needed sometimes. Unfortunately, America has the only Army whose soldiers don't believe in war! They just join the military so Uncle Sam will pay for their education then complain when they are asked to fulfill their end of the bargain. Heaven forbid they actually have to fire a weapon!
So you say America is an imperialist superpower? We are the world leader in humanitarian aid. Take that away and you'd be right. All the other countries that count on our handouts would wither. Just leave. You are apart of the problem. Please leave.
You think we are too hard on criminals? So you like your taxes dollars going to furnish prisons with cable TV, education programs, and funding for inmates' friviouls lawsuits? It amounts to adult child support, but these "children" we are supporting are criminals.
Open up America's borders? Borders, language, and culture define a country and when we loose that we loose our indentity. The Mexican border is virtually an open gate. Almost every election ballot America, now, is being printed in multiple languages. And our American culture is being attacked daily in the court rooms. "In God We Trust" on our currency, the Pledge of Allgience, and the 10 Commandmants are all issues being battled right now in our Judicial system. ACLU put your skirt on! Soon you'll get your wish, a country full of girl-armed, hopscotchers!
Please, Please leave. France needs you!
Nashville Trip Memory
Hand in hand, gliding across city streets.
I looked down at our feet and saw they were synching.
It was all coming together the puzzle pieces were fitting.
All through this day we were agreeing.
But the sky had its differences.
The air became thick and wet, though it was not raining.
But still it was enough because puddles were forming.
We had the same thoughts.
So we moved along dodging canvas awnings drippings.
From store to store through
P.S. Paul was the Walrus
Friday, May 13, 2005
This is my original picture.
This is my brother-in-law's perversion of it.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Foul Ball Alert
I thought of this after my brother-in-law nailed my mother-in-law with a foul ball during a church league softball game. He fouled it straight up and over the fence along the first base line. The stands sit just on the other side. She didn't see it in time and didn't hear our shouts of warning. This kind of thing happens two or three times during a game; its common place. Enter The Foul Ball Alert. It is a softball fitted with RFID. It's the spiraled looking device on the right. You'd recognize it as the gadget placed in library books to prevent naughty Brainiacs from stealing Pride and Prejudice and other books.
The RFID tag is small enough and thin enough to fit under the covering of a softball or baseball. Antennas can be placed around the top of the fences of the ball park and an alarm is sounded when a foul ball is popped up in their vicinity. Think of it as hitting that copy of Pride and Prejudice through those annoying stalls at the entrance to your public library.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Are you as frustrated as I am about the amount of catsup fast foods restaurants give you at the drive through? I know we’re not talking world peace here! Yes, there are bigger issues in the world to be bent out of shape about, but not at this very moment. At this very moment I need catsup for my fries. And I’m going to need more than two packets of catsup for my large order of fries, ok? I burned those two on just four fries. You might say that I should have had the forethought to ask for extras. Ok, let’s go down that path, but I must warn you that I’ve been down it before. I have been given fists full of extras, but with this another problem surfaces. I call it the “catsup dance”. It is the long, monotonous act of extracting the condiment from the catsup packets. The dance can turn a quick meal into a full hour affair. Each packet, from my best estimate, can satisfy three fries.
See, this isn’t going to cut it.
We are talking big numbers here if I decide on the large order of fries. My ancestors were hunter-gathers; I am not. The last animal I killed, I stepped on and I picked it up with a Kleenex tissue and flushed it. You see, I don’t want to have to work for my food and that’s why I’m at a fast food joint! So, today’s invention or re-invention is the Super Packet.
The Super Packet is similar to what we are used to at the drive though window, now, except each has the capacity to hold 4 ounces of catsup. Catsup producers should, at the very least, consider putting catsup in the same size packets as they put some of their other condiments.
It's only fair.
To remind me of things I’ve left behind.
I’m going to shine a light down a deep dark hole.
Illuminate memories from long ago.
I’m going to search things out.
Seems there is always more to me to learn about.
We all have whales that we are pursuing.
And this one’s mine; it’s of my choosing.
So I’ll discard those traits we share and everything else I’ll compare.
I see you and how you move.
But what makes you do the things you do?
In the same situation you zig, I zag.
There’re more questions to ask and more answers to question.
I should start over and let new experience be my lesson.
I can’t find what’s not there in this spotless mind.
Things once wiped clean I will never find.
Friday, May 06, 2005
This is the last show of Widespread Panic's spring tour. I bought the ticket when they first went on sale a couple of months ago; it's a sold out show now. The web shows these tickets being scalped for anywhere between $98 and $168. I will be updating this article with pictures from the parking lot scene and from the show as things happen!
Ok, so here we go! It's Sunday now and I'm still recovering for my sleep deficeit. I got back into town at 3 am and I couldn't just sleep in because I had church to go to. The pictures that follow were taken with a camera phone; Olan Mills it's not.
These are my buddies Jon and Aundrea. We were grabbing chow at the Mellow Mushroom. If you are in Asheville, it's a must.
The local hotels were packed with Heads. Everybody there was just diggn' being there and seeing other Heads.
The Lot Scene was impressive. People with something to sell had staked out prime spots in parking lot to sell pipes, beer, tee shirts, stickers, food, and nitrous. It's amazing that some of this can go on despite the obvious legality.
The night ended after two sets and a 4 song encore.
I believe it is possible to incorporate subliminal messgages into websites. I've spoken with a programmer who has said that it is doable. However, this idea is still under construction at this time. I'll update this article as progress is made.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
This is a shot of my bathroom counter. Do you understand now why I have Poison Control on speed dial. Same sort of think happend when I accidently brushed my teeth with hydrocortisone. The toothpaste was laying right next to the tube of anti-itch cream.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Add "easily accessible satellite maps of our nation's capital" to our list of "things Americans do that gets them dumped on". And yes, that is the White House in both pictures. How stupid is this? Well, check it out and see. You're in here too!