Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Why I'm a Christian as requested by Chris

I was baptized at 12 thinking I had a ticket into heaven but it wasn't until my late twenties that I grasped the concept of repentance and Faith. That's what I really needed. My baptism was about as meaningful as a bubble bath without it. I'm a Christian b/c I realized that despite my deserving Hell, I'm going to Heaven because by creator paid for my crimes past/present/future with the blood of his son. It wasn't until I looked at the 10 commandments against the life I was living that I realized how sinful I really was. I've told lies, so I'm a liar. I've stolen, not much, just little things; paper clips from work, someone's idea, no matter how small, right? I'm a thief. I fell short in each of the ten. I do deserve Hell! Yet, Jesus took my punishment on himself. I'm not a good person but I've been forgiven and that's why I'm a Christian and why I struggle everyday to do His will.

Monday, October 16, 2006

My new vocabulary word

I've decided to incorporate the word "Smurf" into my conversations.
For example:
"Man, I just got smurfed"
"Could you smurf me the mashed potatoes?"

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Huffing koala Bear

I bought a vial of concentrated Eucalyptus oil to sniff when I have a cold to clear my stuffy head but my friends with colds laugh and say I'm damaging my brain cells. I say they are missing out because when a pleasant smell comes around during cold season I'll be the only one able to retrieve it. Besides, Koalas use this stuff all the time and if it was dangerous wouldn't they'd all be extinct?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

You have new Picture Mail!

You have new Picture Mail!, originally uploaded by hailey.crouch.

Monday, October 09, 2006

You have new Picture Mail!

You have new Picture Mail!, originally uploaded by hailey.crouch.

You have new Picture Mail!

You have new Picture Mail!, originally uploaded by hailey.crouch.

Her first Halloween costume

You have new Picture Mail!, originally uploaded by hailey.crouch.

I just had to pause

You have new Picture Mail!, originally uploaded by hailey.crouch.

Doesnt your heart just melt?

Today's Word

Fuzz Knuckle

Coined while changing my baby girl's socks.

Today's Random Thought

I want to get a better look at this girl's nose ring but it would hurt her feelings if she caught me staring so I look away real quick. It's like the very things people do to attract attention only distract from it. I'm down with looking different, just suffer me a longer than polite look. You got a mohawk that's fine, just let me look at you without any fear of being a attacked with a claw hammer.

Process of elimination

There are three occupants who live under my roof; me, the wife, and the baby. Of these three, only two have full control of their arms and legs and only two have a highly developed thought structure. I get a call at working asking if I ate the last piece of cake? "Please tell me you've figued the math out." I gotta wonder if somewhere I miscounted. Is there a fourth occupant that would justify this call or is someone giving the baby way too much credit.?

What cultures me

What I know about other cultures I've learn by watching movies. What I've learned about the Japanese after watching The Grudge is that Japanese kids are very scary. I do not want to go there. They are evil until they grow up.

Tough Guy

A common movie tough guy cliche is to threaten death by saying, "I could kill you ten different ways." I think if someone were to ever threaten me this way I'd think, "Man, I hate over achievers!"

Saturday, October 07, 2006

These are my thoughts

Everything in this blog is my original work unless noted, but today I was thinking what if someone else has thought of the same things and written them down like I have? Is it possible for more than one person to have the same original thought?

Today's Invention

Shopping Cart Golf

The object is to role your shopping cart into one of the stores' cart corrals in a certain number of attempts. Most towns have a mega-store like a Wal-Mart, Cosco, or Lowes in which to play. Golf rules apply.

Sushi Blues

I think that it should be a requirement that if a grocery store is going step outside of the box and sell sushi that they at least have on staff someone of Japanese heritage. Man, I'm 6700 miles from Japan, who's going to vouch for my California Roll? If you say McDonalds then you can make me a burger. If you say McRonalds then you can roll me some rice.

Today's Random Thought

Today I decided to break a bad habit, so I told a guy at the gas station to quit smoking. "Dude, you are going to die!"

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Today's Random Thought

When I pull up to a red light and I notice someone rolling down their windows, I imagine it's because they farted.

Today's Random Thought

Product testing? My shampoo says it wasn't tested on animals, but what's the alternative? Humans! I'd rather there be a rat somewhere with a nice shining coat than to think of aboriginal orphans being tied down for a forced shampoo. How can I sleep tonight knowing what I know.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Don't Pray..........

In one week we had three attacks on schools. It's only getting worse. Don't pray for an end to all things bad, just pray for the end of all things. It's time. Everything I see disgusts me.

Today's Random Thought

What I don't like about Monopoly is that people use phrases from the game when they aren't even playing. "Eric, come home right after work. Do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars." And then they get mad when you make a board game reference. "Hey, save me a bite you hungry, hungry, hippo."

Monday, October 02, 2006

Today's Random Thought

People like to authenticate their self importance by declaring that their family goes back four or five generations. But that's nothing to brag about. What happened 4 or 5 generations ago that caused your family to just pop into existence. Like a big bang or something and, whoa, the Jacksons! I go back to Adam, you go somewhere and evolve.

Today's Random Thought

There is a can of vanilla air freshener in the bathroom at work. The placement of it in a work environment staffed with gastro-intestinal problems has forever associated the sweet aroma of vanilla beans with the thinly veiled stink of a colon blow.

Customer I.Q.

I have learned, from my years in the wireless industry, that many customers make purchases well beyond what their intelligence can handle. They come in complaining that their cell phone doesn't have a dial tone, they use descriptors like "the thingy", or they bring in abused phones and swear that they just woke up one morning and their phone was in two pieces. Someone said it best when they said, "We run credit not I.Q." It's a good thing too or a bunch of folks would go home empty handed. "Sorry buddy, you don't qualify. Come back when you raise that I.Q. 100 points."

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Today's B-Movie

Death by the Second Ring

(Adapted from true events in my life. The names have been left out to protect.....well, to protect me, actually, from spending nights on the couch.)

The women are as scared as Chicken Little. If they call each other and don't get an answer by the second ring then they assume that everyone is dead. They are like nervous lap dogs that tinkle themelsves when the leaves rustle.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Today's Random Thought

I think that a fear of flying would severely limit career advancement for a pilot.

Sharks, fire, electricty, and now mountain highways.

I just realized something while watching World Travler . Lonely mountain roads frighten me. Maybe what frightens me is Montana. No, no, I'm pretty sure it's just the road. Oh, and if it's cold, that magnifies the spook factor. Man, if there was an electric shark somewhere on the side of the road I'd wet my pants. Add fire and that would round out the top four on my list of fears. Mountain roads is a new addition. I'm glad I just learned this. This makes me happy. Now I can start avoiding them.

Monday, September 25, 2006

We need a new unit of measurement

The sign says 45 miles an hour but I rarely spend a full hour in transit. It takes me 17 minutes to get to work. Man, don't make me do fractions. So how fast do I need to go? 17 minutes into an hour.....ah screw it!

I get a hour for lunch but I just go across street for coffee and so now on my way back I see a 55 mph sign. It's mocking me saying, hey, you could've been somewhere cool 55 miles away from here.

Today's Invention

Litter Buster Road Rage Enhancer

The guy I'm tailgating decides to turn without signaling and I come close to putting another crack in his backside. I'm rolling down my window to throw my beverage at him when I am seized by a sobering thought,"Man, that would be littering. That's irresponsible. And that's not me." So to remedy my careless tendencies I have rigged a 12 oz. can of my favorite soda with a string to retract it if it finds itself airborne.

Today's Random Thought

The Pope recently apologized for some comments he made about Muslims. Apologized? Man, whatever happened to the Pope being infallible?

Today's Random Thought

If you are talking to me and I suddenly close my eyes, don't be sad. I'm only temporarily unavailable. I'll be back soon.

Today's Invention

If you were going to smuggle illegal peanut butter into the country in a RV it would be best to store it on a moving conveyor hidden somewhere in the chassis. The peanut sniffing dog will smell it then sit to indicate its location but it won't be there. It would've moved on.

Today's Scene

I walked in front of a lady at the grocery store and she said, "You almost hit me!"
I thought, "Ah, man!, Almost is not good enough. Can I have a second chance?"

Monday, September 18, 2006

Today's Random Thought

After years of situps, side bends and crunches there remains no noticeable change in my love handles. What I've come to realize is that I've developed a set of love handles that, though still hideous, can stomp a mud hole in your love handles.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Today's Random Thought

Today I ate Power Bar and sat back down in front of my computer. I should call it a Potential Bar.

Today's Random Thought

I saw a sign, "No felony trespassing". That made me happy because I'm a Trespasser with only good intentions. That did not apply to me.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I'm back!

I'm learning that having a child leaves no time for blogging. No time for much of anything really. Check it...