Sunday, October 23, 2005

Today's Invention

Teflon Needles

Do you know what I hate about getting shots? They stinkn' hurt! What did you think I was going to say, huh? One reason they are so pain full is due, in part, to the friction between your skin and the needle. Think about what happens when you fall and skin your knee. The friction causes skin to be scraped off because the asphalt is trying to hold on to your knee even as your knee is trying to slide. Much like the asphalt, your skin is trying to hold onto the needle even as the needle is trying to slide though it. Now I've over simplified the mechanics of it all and totally discounted the fact that we have thousands of nerve ending in our skin that get pretty pissed when they are poked, but you get the basic idea. Those injections that you get will be a lot less painful if science could somehow eliminate or reduce this friction.

That's not going to happen anytime soon because it is a basic law of physics, but with the help of Teflon great leaps could be made to making those injections for your gonorrhea spells a lot less painful. All we would need to do is coat surgical needles with Teflon, the slickist substance known.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Today's Invention

Liquid Glove

Liquid glove is a quick drying latex solution that the hands are dipped into to form a sheer, yet durable sheath around the hands. The latex, once dry, bonds to the hands and a forms a seal at which point it feels and behaves just like any other latex glove. The main advantage to this is its versatility. A surgeon who needs more tactile sensation would only apply one coat but a law enforcement official might need several coats to protect the hands from snags or punctures during searches where they might be exposed to needle sticks, contaminated or corrosive fluids, and all forms of pathogens.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Today's Random Thought

Why do we only hear about UNICEF during Halloween? Are they a non-profit of the damned' raising money for the prince of darkness? Sorry about that. I should have just stuck with the intial question.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Today's Random Thought

The First Blogger

I realized last night that Doogie Houser was the first blogger. Do you remember how he would end every show by summing up his day on his computer journal? Stinkn' child prodigy; a doctor and web pioneer.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

How dare me!

There is nothing anyone can do to me, no mis-deed, no trespass, no evil done now or in the future that hasn't already been paid for by the blood of Christ. So how can I hold on to anger and bitterness? These are the results of an unforgiving heart. Was Christ's death not enough!? The debt was paid. What a fool I am to think that I should demand more from someone who offends me by seeking my own payment in anger, bitterness, and revenge. Christ blood was more and more and more than enough!

John MacArthur, in his Oct 11 radio broadcast entitled, "The portrait of a new life", says that the way we forgive is the measure of the depth of appreciation that we have for Christ's death for our sins. John goes on to say that it is also a measure of whether we have love in our hearts. Christ's forgiveness of our sins is the ultimate act of love and Eph 4:32 says we should forgive like Christ forgave. So by holding on to anger and bitterness we demonstrate that we don't love. 1 John 4:7 says that those who love know God. By not forgiving we show that we don't love and by not loving we show that we don't know God.

Use forgiveness to gauge the love you show and remember that the offenses against you have been paid for ALREADY. Don't demand more by giving in to your anger! You don't have that right! Was Christ's torture, his beatings, whippings, humiliation, the nails through his feet and hands not enough for you!?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Tactile Museum for the Blind

"My Lament"

OOOOoooooh, I am burden with this evil genius. OOOOoooooh, how I see the most innocent of ideas and twist them in my head. OOOOooooooh, how even the blind are not immune from the comedic poison that flows through my mind like Katrina over a levee. Ok, enough!

Check this link. It's a museum for the blind. Basically, everything in the museum is up for grabs, so to speak. The blind are allowed to touch the pieces of art which allows them to "see" them with their hands. Now, my mind has been overloaded with possible pranks and I grow weary of indulging them in my head, so I will speculate on a faux pas that surely must be a daily occurrence:

    Statue of David mishap

curator: Welcome madam, I hope you enjoy .............WHOA!!!!! MADAM, THE STATUES ARE DOWN THE HALL!

P.S. Ten points to anyone who can put the headshot from my bio on the statue from the link above.

10 minutes later.....................................we have a winner!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Today's Invention

Today's invention was born out of my deep regret for missing the initial wave of the "fast food playground" explosion of the early eighties. McDonalds was the first in my hometown, but though I was of age, my freakishly adult frame disqualified me from their diminutive standards. I was barred from the ball pit. Being a few years younger when the trend started would have made for a much happier childhood.

The hardest blow was landed at Show Biz pizza; now called Chucky Cheese. It's one of those amusement park like establishments, if you aren't familiar with it. It was my birthday and I, along with a few of my friends had gathered there with our parents for pizza and party cake. I was 9 or 10. I'm sure the exact age would come back to me under regressive hypnosis but Blue Cross and Blue Shield doesn't cover psycho therapy. Show Biz issued us all a handful of tokens and sent us on our way. I didn't get very far because of my girth I wasn't allowed on the Rope Playhouse. My friends enjoyed it though. I had my eye on this neat little hydraulic ride in the vacant kiddy section of the play land. It was an airplane that would lift six feet or so in the air. It was a bit pricey at three tokens but Frogger had grown old and none of my friends were around to notice I was on a kiddy ride. I jump in and deposit my three tokens and waited for the ride to begin. After a few seconds the MIDI sounds of an airplane taking off came roaring through the cockpit speakers. I felt a sudden jolt and I was off! The plane hovered on its hydraulic arm half way up before seizing up under it's unusually heavy load and then began to slowly lower. I had broken it. Happy freakn' birthday!!!

Today's invention sounds a bit naughty, but I assure you it's not. It is an Adult Playground filled with adult toys. Once again, sicko, this isn't suggestive at all. The playground will consist of road worthy go-carts, virtual gaming, pool tables, dart boards, a bar, and many more activities that aren't suitable for children. Oh, and there will be a bouncer at the door with a measuring stick.

Today's Random Thought

If you ever see a fox approach you and it's foaming at the mouth.....Maaaan, just leave it alone.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Today's Invention

Today's invention is a post-it note gospel tract. All you have to do is peel and stick. This invention, more than any of my inventions, actually can be done on my budget. I am stopping by Office Max to price the job.