Today's invention was born out of my deep regret for missing the initial wave of the "fast food playground" explosion of the early eighties. McDonalds was the first in my hometown, but though I was of age, my freakishly adult frame disqualified me from their diminutive standards. I was barred from the ball pit. Being a few years younger when the trend started would have made for a much happier childhood.
The hardest blow was landed at Show Biz pizza; now called Chucky Cheese. It's one of those amusement park like establishments, if you aren't familiar with it. It was my birthday and I, along with a few of my friends had gathered there with our parents for pizza and party cake. I was 9 or 10. I'm sure the exact age would come back to me under regressive hypnosis but Blue Cross and Blue Shield doesn't cover psycho therapy. Show Biz issued us all a handful of tokens and sent us on our way. I didn't get very far because of my girth I wasn't allowed on the Rope Playhouse. My friends enjoyed it though. I had my eye on this neat little hydraulic ride in the vacant kiddy section of the play land. It was an airplane that would lift six feet or so in the air. It was a bit pricey at three tokens but Frogger had grown old and none of my friends were around to notice I was on a kiddy ride. I jump in and deposit my three tokens and waited for the ride to begin. After a few seconds the MIDI sounds of an airplane taking off came roaring through the cockpit speakers. I felt a sudden jolt and I was off! The plane hovered on its hydraulic arm half way up before seizing up under it's unusually heavy load and then began to slowly lower. I had broken it. Happy freakn' birthday!!!
Today's invention sounds a bit naughty, but I assure you it's not. It is an Adult Playground filled with adult toys. Once again, sicko, this isn't suggestive at all. The playground will consist of road worthy go-carts, virtual gaming, pool tables, dart boards, a bar, and many more activities that aren't suitable for children. Oh, and there will be a bouncer at the door with a measuring stick.