Worried Man Blues

I was baptized at 12 thinking I had a ticket into heaven but it wasn't until my late twenties that I grasped the concept of repentance a...

I've decided to incorporate the word "Smurf" into my conversations. For example: "Man, I just got smurfed" or "...

I bought a vial of concentrated Eucalyptus oil to sniff when I have a cold to clear my stuffy head but my friends with colds laugh and say I...

You have new Picture Mail! , originally uploaded by hailey.crouch .

You have new Picture Mail! , originally uploaded by hailey.crouch .

You have new Picture Mail! , originally uploaded by hailey.crouch .

You have new Picture Mail! , originally uploaded by hailey.crouch .

You have new Picture Mail! , originally uploaded by hailey.crouch . Doesnt your heart just melt?

Fuzz Knuckle Coined while changing my baby girl's socks.

I want to get a better look at this girl's nose ring but it would hurt her feelings if she caught me staring so I look away real quick. ...

There are three occupants who live under my roof; me, the wife, and the baby. Of these three, only two have full control of their arms and l...

What I know about other cultures I've learn by watching movies. What I've learned about the Japanese after watching The Grudge is ...

A common movie tough guy cliche is to threaten death by saying, "I could kill you ten different ways." I think if someone were to...

Everything in this blog is my original work unless noted, but today I was thinking what if someone else has thought of the same things and w...

Shopping Cart Golf The object is to role your shopping cart into one of the stores' cart corrals in a certain number of attempts. Most ...

I think that it should be a requirement that if a grocery store is going step outside of the box and sell sushi that they at least have on s...

Today I decided to break a bad habit, so I told a guy at the gas station to quit smoking. "Dude, you are going to die!"

When I pull up to a red light and I notice someone rolling down their windows, I imagine it's because they farted.

Product testing? My shampoo says it wasn't tested on animals, but what's the alternative? Humans! I'd rather there be a rat s...

In one week we had three attacks on schools. It's only getting worse. Don't pray for an end to all things bad, just pray for the e...

What I don't like about Monopoly is that people use phrases from the game when they aren't even playing. "Eric, come home righ...

People like to authenticate their self importance by declaring that their family goes back four or five generations. But that's nothing ...

There is a can of vanilla air freshener in the bathroom at work. The placement of it in a work environment staffed with gastro-intestinal p...

I have learned, from my years in the wireless industry, that many customers make purchases well beyond what their intelligence can handle. T...

Death by the Second Ring (Adapted from true events in my life. The names have been left out to protect.....well, to protect me, actually, f...

I think that a fear of flying would severely limit career advancement for a pilot.

I just realized something while watching World Travler . Lonely mountain roads frighten me. Maybe what frightens me is Montana. No, no, ...

The sign says 45 miles an hour but I rarely spend a full hour in transit. It takes me 17 minutes to get to work. Man, don't make me do...

Litter Buster Road Rage Enhancer The guy I'm tailgating decides to turn without signaling and I come close to putting another crack in h...

The Pope recently apologized for some comments he made about Muslims. Apologized? Man, whatever happened to the Pope being infallible?

If you are talking to me and I suddenly close my eyes, don't be sad. I'm only temporarily unavailable. I'll be back soon.

If you were going to smuggle illegal peanut butter into the country in a RV it would be best to store it on a moving conveyor hidden somewhe...

I walked in front of a lady at the grocery store and she said, "You almost hit me!" I thought, "Ah, man!, Almost is not good ...

After years of situps, side bends and crunches there remains no noticeable change in my love handles. What I've come to realize is that...

Today I ate Power Bar and sat back down in front of my computer. I should call it a Potential Bar.

I saw a sign, "No felony trespassing". That made me happy because I'm a Trespasser with only good intentions. That did not app...

I'm learning that having a child leaves no time for blogging. No time for much of anything really. Check it...

This was an ultra-sound taken a few weeks ago.

I feel that it would be a nice, holiday gesture if prison administrators strung Christmas lights around their barbwire.

Why haven't the Japenese recognized the superiorty of our forks to their chopsticks? You would think that one of them one some hundreds...

Is there such a thing as a "lap cat"? You see lap dogs everywhere. People will take dogs with them on all sorts of errands, but yo...

Why do walkers have hand-brakes? I saw a little old lady in Kroger with one that had two handbrakes on each handle. It's the same kind o...

Anti-Bacterial Cologne This is an additive that cologne manufactures can add to their products to provide their customers with an anti-bacte...

Pimp my rascal A show for the aging MTV crowd. It is a spin off of the popular Pimp my Ride show that is now on.

Teflon Needles Do you know what I hate about getting shots? They stinkn' hurt! What did you think I was going to say, huh? One reason th...

Liquid Glove Liquid glove is a quick drying latex solution that the hands are dipped into to form a sheer, yet durable sheath around the han...

Why do we only hear about UNICEF during Halloween? Are they a non-profit of the damned' raising money for the prince of darkness? Sor...

The First Blogger I realized last night that Doogie Houser was the first blogger. Do you remember how he would end every show by summing up ...

There is nothing anyone can do to me, no mis-deed, no trespass, no evil done now or in the future that hasn't already been paid for by t...

"My Lament" OOOOoooooh, I am burden with this evil genius. OOOOoooooh, how I see the most innocent of ideas and twist them in my h...

Today's invention was born out of my deep regret for missing the initial wave of the "fast food playground" explosion of the e...

If you ever see a fox approach you and it's foaming at the mouth.....Maaaan, just leave it alone.

Today's invention is a post-it note gospel tract. All you have to do is peel and stick. This invention, more than any of my inventions, ...

Logan's Roadhouse is one of those resturants that serves peanuts as appitizers. It's an American version of chips and salsa and ba...

Why does Christianity offend the world? Why does the Gospel rub people the wrong way? When a proud sinner is confronted with their sin thro...

I wonder if Jesus' repeated references about tax collectors didn't hurt Matthew just a little each time? Matt 5:46 "If you lov...

"Shock Joust", the word I coined in a post titled " Paraplegic Humor ", was added to pseudodictionary.com .